Saving energy for Creativity
One of the things that I don’t know if many people are aware of. When I first started Möbius Keramikk it was out of desperation at finding a job I was qualified for that could support me.
I don’t want to go into living wage, the lack of business preparedness art school gives you, or the glass ceilings that keep many salaried jobs still working beneath what they need to support them and their families. All of these are enough for many blogs and ARE important conversations.
What I want to talk about is the reality of living with a TBI and being able to find a job that uses your talents, can occur at a pace you can handle (the Americans with Disability Act supports this, but it is hard to enforce in large work environs) and provide valuable income to support yourself.
While a student at St Olaf College and Cranbrook Academy of Art I happened to be working at the museum during collection moves. It was great! I loved registering work, handling it, and documenting its location. When I finished my MFA in 2012 I was a resident artist at Red Dirt Studio where I wanted to get into a museum in a registrarial capacity or any entry level job my skills were suited for. Right when I finally figured out the trick to getting my CV through the government jobs platform, sequestration hit and all the jobs disappeared.
I did my best to make it work with odd jobs and adjusting for VCU, but it is by no means enough to support someone in the DC Metro area. Or really any area. I moved back to Philadelphia and found two unpaid internships that I hoped would help me find work in arts administration or entry level museum, but nothing panned out.
In 2015 I moved back to my hometown and in with my parents. I got a remote job that I wasn’t qualified for as it was computer and internet support, and then as an office keeper with lots of weekly updates and tasks. I couldn’t keep up the pace. That is really it, I couldn’t keep up with the pace that was demanded of me. I remember having 40 hour a week jobs doing stained glass while in Philly before grad school. I had no energy for much at all, especially not making interesting art at The Clay Studio where I was a resident artist. (The Fall that I created the work that got me into Cranbrook I started a new job that was a 20 minute walk away. That Fall it was dead and my coworker and I watched tv on our computers all day. So I had the energy to be active in my studio. Thank goodness for that one low key season!)
My point is I have struggled since my head injury in 2003 to keep the same pace as my peers. I’m not sure getting a museum job would have ended up working out as intended— with space to create art outside of it.
So here I was 34, with no job prospects that could support me long term while my brother and close friends were advancing in their careers, starting families, buying houses, and other successful adult choices.
I felt frustrated and like a total failure. So I asked myself how I could make a living selling my work. I knew I didn’t want to pursue galleries and collectors, but wondered if there was any way my conceptual voice could be expressed on and through functional ceramics. I started the journey while living with my parents.
I found a 30 hour a week job at a retirement center doing activities. I really enjoyed aspects of that job but got paid $10 something an hour. I also ran into the same problem of not being able to do much after finishing work. I’d be mentally and physically exhausted where resting was necessary. Through dumb luck that job provided health insurance and one day we were going to a meeting with insurance reps. My coworker and I were “joking” about them raising rates and it dawned on me that I hadn’t taken the job to get insurance.
I recognized the problem- lack of energy- and did some calculations- if I could get paid twice as much I’d have to work half as much. So I found a job and quit. A friend of mine was working catering, with wages even higher. So I signed on working one day a week, and with that, I could earn enough to make it happen. I have a strong work ethic and could get the job done for however many hours it was. I’d usually need two days to recover but was a free agent.
I turned my studio into a private ceramic school and soon had 30 pupils, my capacity. Which then again drained me, but not as much. And then the pandemic hit and everything shut down. I was again in an untenable situation of being very skilled in art but with no job prospects. So I did a Hail Mary. I moved back to PG County where Red Dirt Studios was and decided to use all I’d learned the past 4 years and see if my business had real legs by doing it right.
So in 2021 I became a resident of Maryland. It’s also when I learned that my TBI wasn’t properly handled by workers compensation insurance or my college (where I was injured). I went down a rabbit hole of discovery, got my medical records, discovered that there is such a thing as Long Term Traumatic Brain Injury, that I am disabled, and not normal like I was told, and found the Brain Injury Association of Maryland and the weekly check in chat.
This was 18 years after my injury and changed my life in so many ways. My challenges made sense and I made sense. I realized it would be foolish to take on a side job as I don’t have the stamina for it. That to take care of myself I needed to be a full time working artist. I learned that I have to schedule breaks. Sometimes a whole lot of them. Sleep is important and resting is paramount to my functioning. I can work longer hours but I get a low energy hangover in a sense. It can take me 1-5 days to recover. Even longer if I’ve been running on adrenaline for a week.
I have been so extremely lucky that there is a market for my work and I have been able to grow, expand and find a team of three amazing ladies to assist. We have built into the work flow the time it take for me to get things finished, that I can be messy as I only have so much energy and my art is the priority, and that I’m often distracted. In essence all of the character traits I’d felt ashamed about and thought I needed to fix to be better are now all associated with the realities of long term TBI.
Don’t get me wrong, I still work too long at times, need 1-2 weeks recovery after a tradeshow, and am best making last minute plans with friends as I never know what my capacity will be. But, I am using my talents, growing, learning, adapting and trusting the process that launching a successful business is.
For me, the ability to choose the slow to grow business model has allowed for this to develop in a manner I can handle. I have learned to trust my team in their skill sets and that they are amazing at what they do. I am starting to be able to do more of what I am best at- creativity and design.
To be honest, I have been writing this while laying in bed taking a break from a huge design I’m behind on. But my head needs to clear out before I step back to it. This is also why I am so thrilled that soon Möbius Keramikks’ sister business NeuroMaps will be launching during our Community Day sponsored by Prince Georges Arts and Humanities Council on Saturday June 1st from 1-5 pm. We will sell products featuring my free hand drawings I call NeuroMaps. These drawing help my short term memory. What I’m equally excited about is 50% of the profits will go to start a TBI entrepreneurial grant to help other survivors carve paths that suit them in life. Ok… I think my break is about over and it’s literally back to the drawing board.
I hope to see you on the 1st! If technology is on my side, we will live screen the brain panel and artist talk by yours truly.
Xx, Christina