So as Gloria Gaynor so wonderfully states “I will survive.” 

The reality is that now my father’s health is in limbo. We all know that someday either sooner or later, a tumor will develop that won’t be treatable, and then he will only have 2 weeks. I believe this limbo is what my therapist was thinking of when she was confident I will handle it. So much of my life has been in limbo the past few years.

And now that it seems like my business is FINALLY almost through the big wrench thrown in our way, I have put my father and family as top priority. I would not change this for anything, but I am feeling my inconsistency with my work and how necessary it is for me to step up to the plate again. 

My dad is doing really well right now and I am hoping that if a tumor can hold off maybe we can get many more months with him. But I also realize that is my greediness talking. I want him here. I want a miracle of his cancer to enter remission. What does Hamlet say, “there are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

That’s the thing about a head injury- emotional weight, stress, not taking my normal breaks throughout the day all add up and make me useless until I do the self care to get back in balance. It’s wild to think that this year it will be my 21 year anniversary of the injury.  Living with it has gotten easier with time as I have gotten to know it well and how I function best with it. It is always a surprise to see how little or strongly it hits me as I didn’t expect it to take me out today. 

To be honest, I have been writing this while laying in bed taking a break from a huge design I’m behind on. But my head needs to clear out before I step back to it. This is also why I am so thrilled that soon Möbius Keramikks’ sister business NeuroMaps will be launching during our Community Day sponsored by Prince Georges Arts and Humanities Council on Saturday June 1st from 1-5 pm. We will sell products featuring my free hand drawings I call NeuroMaps. These drawing help my short term memory. What I’m equally excited about is 50% of the profits will go to start a TBI entrepreneurial grant to help other survivors carve paths that suit them in life. Ok… I think my break is about over and it’s literally back to the drawing board.

RSVP here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/neuromaps-community-day-launch-and-screen-printing-open-studio-tickets-910791340417?aff=oddtdtcreator

Things like not getting a full nights sleep or working longer hours than I should do have a huge impact on what I am capable of doing. It’s funny as this is a universal problem - no one likes not having enough sleep. But for us TBI survivors it really shuts things down.

I work slowly. I take a lot of breaks. I don’t want to have expectations of employees I cannot myself meet. But… to be successful, if we do end up producing in house, I will have to set guidelines that I have trouble meeting.

I’m very open about my traumatic brain injury in 2003. I have shared that my art is a direct response to this trauma. Living with it is a daily thing and I will carry its aftermath until I die. What I have not been explicit about is my business being the only feasible course of action to build a career that can financially sustain me the rest of my life.

2023 has been a year of incredible challenge for me. I was badly rear ended in January 2023, resulting in back problems from my coccyx up to my jaw (I was diagnosed with lock jaw/TMJ at the ER the next day) as well as a wrist injury that STILL 9 months later hasn’t healed.